To Write a Tragic Love Story
by Hypercritical-Q
Summary: Usami asks Hiroki about his breakup with Nowaki to use as inspiration for his latest work. Hiroki becomes upset and divulges, instead, the tragic tale of how Usami broke his heart. Will Usami continue to write after reflecting on his friend's feelings?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **This is a fic I started for the Junjou Fanatics Community Livejournal- it was somewhat popular, so I decided to post the first two chapters to and will continue posting at both places. Thank you for your support.

**Disclaimer:** Junjou Romantica and Junai Egoist are the rightful property of Nakamura Shungiku

**Pairings: ** Official Romantica and Egoist and mentioned one-sided HirokixUsami

**Summary:** Usami Akihiko has hit a wall. He wants to write a tragic love story to trump all his prior works, but he's so happy in his relationship with Misaki that he has writer's block. As luck would have it, he happens upon Hiroki. Usami asks Hiroki about the time Nowaki left for America, (in desperate need of inspiration), which understandably upsets Nowaki. Hiroki divulges, instead, a heart-wrenching tale that strikes Usami so painfully that he decides to stop writing.

This story touches on the complexities of the incident that caused Hiroki's love for Akihiko to die, and how each man must deal with the sudden revelation of Hiroki's feelings pertaining to the matter…

**+_+_+_+_+**

**To Write a Tragic Love Story**

_Chapter 1: Introduction to the 'Stupid' Story_

**+_+_+_+_+**

Usami Akihiko stalked down a busy road. He'd considered driving, but the weather was nice, so he opted to walk instead.

He had just escaped from a very important meeting at Marukawa Publishing Company in which he had spent about an hour being severely scolded by Aikawa Eri and Isaka Ryuuichiro.

Two days prior to the ever-stimulating meeting, he had been interviewed by a renowned literature enthusiast who pointed out that some of the fans of Usami's older works were losing interest in his current writings due to the lighter, happier content.

The enthusiast had brought up one of his most popular works from a few years back- a tragic novel which focused on a character who, in the end, accepted a life condemned to unrequited love.

Usami had written it when he'd discovered Takahiro had a girlfriend- and had confessed his love to her. It was the last tragic love story he'd written before meeting Misaki, and from then on, intentional or not, his writing style had changed.

Some said it was for the better, but apparently his old, die-hard fans disagreed.

So when the interviewer asked Usami if he planned on writing any more sad stories, and implied that Usami had dramatically mellowed out as a writer, the author took it as a challenge and publicly announced that he would be working on a story so tragic and angst-filled that it would trump his previous works.

This gained him much acknowledgement and recognition and even upped the sales of his current and previous works…

It also gained him two months to come up with such a heart-wrenching and moving story, and an hour long meeting in which Aikawa repeatedly begged to know why Usami would take on such a challenge when he admittedly felt absolutely zero percent inspiration for such a story.

Isaka suggested he seek a therapist that could somehow bring back traumatic memories, and Aikawa offered to perform such hypnotherapies herself- although she assured the men that the tool most commonly used in such practices was a bat and that the therapeutic practice itself required the therapist to beat the idiotic author in the back of the head with it until he learned not to take on such idiotic challenges.

In the end, they all somehow came to the agreement that everything would work out for the best and that Usami would surely produce a moving story that would tug at the heartstrings of people of all ages and genders, and that it would certainly move every reader to tears.

While the meeting had ended on a positive note that left Usami feeling supported and encouraged, he still didn't feel particularly inspired to write such a thing.

As he walked down the street toward a used book shop, he passed a floral shop and then paused, backtracking and taking a look around. Flowers were a common romantic gift, and he had to write a tragic romance novel, so perhaps staring at some black roses would inspire him.

He knew it was a foolish idea but considering his current level of inspiration, he was willing to give anything a shot. He didn't have to write about them- he just needed some inspiration, and if he could draw inspiration from someone as simple as Misaki, perhaps he could draw inspiration from a simple, clichéd rose.

After five minutes of staring at black roses that did NOT inspire him in the least, he let out a heavy sigh and turned away from the shop.

'The only thing black roses would inspire me to write is trite tripe, anyway." He muttered to himself as he stared at the ground. Then he lifted his gaze and blinked, noticing Hiroki entering the family restaurant across the street.

_Of course!_

Hiroki was like the most depressing person in the WORLD! Okay, that was a mean thought, but Hiroki had inspired him in the past, and surely he could provide some insight regarding the matter- he was his oldest and most supportive fan, after all.

He waited for the street to clear before jaywalking across and heading into the restaurant.

This was too perfect. Hiroki appeared to be eating alone, sitting in a booth toward the back, his laptop opened as he finished up some schoolwork.

Usami waltzed on over to the table, plopped down across from Hiroki, and pulled out his own laptop, setting it up, too. He sank down in his seat to hide behind his computer.

It only took a moment for Hiroki to slowly peer around his own laptop, arching a brow.

Usami slowly sat up, tilting his head back and peering over the top of his computer.

Hiroki's sudden change in expression brought a smirk to Usami's face.

"Ahikiho?!"

"Good…" Usami glanced at the clock located in the lower right hand corner of his laptop's screen. "…_afternoon, _Hiroki."

"…" Hiroki's brows furrowed and he pursed his lips. "What're you doing here? Stalking me?"

"Did you see me?" Usami asked, cocking his head to the side.

"No, how long were you following me?" Hiroki asked, annoyed.

"No, no, I wasn't stalking you. I meant on TV."

"Ah… Oh!" Hiroki blinked. "Yeah… you were being interviewed by my boss, actually…"

"Hmm. Small world. So? What have you got for me?"

"…Hah?" Hiroki's eye twitched and an irritated smile formed on his lips. "…Can you please not be so cryptic?"

"It has to be extremely depressing… angst is a must… tragedy is what I'm aiming for. What have you got?"

Hiroki's irritated grin widened and he closed his eyes, brow twitching. "Akihiko… where do I begin? First of all… don't just talk like we've been conversing for the past hour. I'm having some trouble following the conversation- since it hasn't HAPPENED yet. Second, you can't just intrude like this. When he comes back, he's going to get the wrong idea."

"'He' who?" Usami asked, then moved right along without waiting for a reply. "You know, the last tragic work I did was one I wrote right after I found out about Takahiro and his love for Minami… If… I'm not mistaken, it's the last sad one I worked on- sure there've been sad moments in my recent works, but the overall mood of that one was absolutely disheartening… and if I'm expected to surpass it, I'll need a far more tragic plot."

Hiroki's brow twitched. "…Okay… and…? What's that have to do with me?"

"When I think back to that work, it was extremely popular. However, when I gave it to you to look over, you gave it a negative critique."

"It wasn't negative." Hiroki frowned. "It was a good work, like all your works, it just didn't make me sad."

"Exactly. If something like that didn't make you sad, and it was one of the sadder experiences in my life, then you must have experienced something even sadder, right?" Usami closed his eyes, rested his elbows on the table, and settled his chin atop his clasped hands.

"…What're you TALKING about?" Hiroki grumbled, folding his arms.

Usami opened his eyes and glowered at Hiroki. "Are you dense?"

"Eh?!" Hiroki blinked. "…I… I'm sorry… I'm confused. Very… VERY confused."

"Do I have to spell it out for you? I'm looking to you for inspiration, as I usually do."

"Inspiration, you say." Hiroki's eyes narrowed, annoyed.

"Yes. I'm in a relationship right now and am very happy. So much so, in fact, that it has evidently affected my writing."

"Yeah, your later stuff has been lighter and fluffier, overall." Hiroki agreed.

"So I need to borrow something depressing from YOUR life." Usami nodded.

"How about right now?" Hiroki quirked a brow, smirking.

Usami frowned, not appreciating Hiroki's sardonic wit. "What about that year your lover abandoned you for America and didn't contact you at all?"

This time, Hiroki's eyes widened, not simply from the tactless and blunt reminder of one of the more agonizing times of his life, but Nowaki had chosen just that moment to return from the bathroom, and had heard exactly and only what Usami had just said. The pained expression on his face delivered by that unbuffered blow was absolutely heart wrenching in itself.

Hiroki glared at Usami, who, for the first time since he'd sat with the man, actually took notice in the affect his words had had on his childhood friend. He also noticed Hiroki glancing at something behind him and he rolled his head back, then turned, realizing Nowaki had heard what he'd said.

"Good afternoon, Kusama-kun." He greeted. "I was just asking Hiroki for inspiration. I have to write a tragic novel that surpasses my previous works."

"…Is that so…?" Nowaki closed his eyes and joined them. Hiroki scooted toward the middle of the booth and Nowaki sat in his place.

"Yes," Usami continued. "Because I'm absolutely content and happy with the person I'm with, it's hard for me to become inspired to write something sad. I'm just not feeling it." He brought Nowaki up to date.

"Well, Hiro-san won't be able to offer much inspiration. We're also very happy." Nowaki said in an unusual tone. Only Hiroki, who knew the man well, was able to pick up on it. Idiotic Akihiko didn't notice a change at all.

"I understand that you're good now, but might you be able to divulge some information pertaining to that time when things weren't so good? If my next work is going to be depressingly heart wrenching, then feelings of abandonment, separation, and heartbreak would comingle to form the perfect recipe for tragedy, don't you agree?"

Hiroki gaped at his friend, then turned to take in Nowaki's reaction.

Nowaki's eyes and frown expressed that not only had that comment offended him, but had reminded him of the pain both he and Hiroki had undergone at that time.

This enraged Hiroki. They'd spent a long time licking each other's wounds and mending what had been broken between them.

The audacity of this bastard…!

But Nowaki replied somewhat calmly. "…Even if you worked that experience into your story, you're supposed to write something with a sad ending, right? If you used our experience, the ending would be _still_ be happy."

Hiroki relaxed a bit. That was a very sweet sentiment, and also a true one. Perhaps idiotic Akihiko would drop this, now.

"Well," Usami apparently interpreted Nowaki's statement as a discussion on the matter- as if they'd actually allow him to exploit one of the most painful periods of their lives! "I'd have to change the ending, of course. It doesn't have to be exactly the same. It goes without saying that I'll have to change a few things. This isn't one of my BL novels, you'd probably have to be a straight couple, for example."

"Change the ending? And why would we have to be a straight couple?" Nowaki asked. "Our love is pure just the way it is- we're men, and we're HAPPY."

Hiroki frowned, nervously. He knew Nowaki had never liked Usami much- for obvious reasons- but he got the feeling that each time his childhood friend opened his mouth; Nowaki grew to despise him more and more…

"It doesn't have to be realistic." Usami arched a brow, not at all sensing Nowaki's frustration with this asinine idea. "Like you mentioned, it absolutely has to end sadly. After you two temporarily broke up, Kusama-kun asked to meet you at this very restaurant, right?" Usami asked, sliding his fingers around on his laptop's mouse pad and beginning to type.

"Hiro-san!" Nowaki exclaimed. "How does he-?!"

"Akihiko!" Hiroki fumed. "How do you even KNOW about that?!"

Nowaki blinked, glancing from Hiroki to Usami, expectantly. Hiroki looked sincerely confused and miffed, just as he was.

"You told me one day when you were drunk." Usami blinked at his friend, then went back to typing. "So it was what? He went to meet someone at the airport, right? And it was delayed?"

"I told you in that kind of detail?!" Hiroki sank down in his seat, disgusted with himself and unable to look Nowaki in the face.

Nowaki frowned, looking away from his lover- who he hoped didn't think he was angry with- to Usami- who he certainly _was_ angry with.

"And when you went to the university, there was that professor who kissed you, right?"

"He didn't kiss me!"

"I thought he did? Well no matter, in the book, he'll kiss you, and you'll leave with him."

"WHAT?!" Hiroki bellowed, slamming his hands on the table, red etching across his face from sheer embarrassment and pure fury.

"Calm down. It's just a book." Usami huffed. "Hasn't even been written yet." He gestured to his laptop.

"'_Will not be written._'" Hiroki barked.

"I think that would work." Usami argued. "Imagine the heartbreak- Hiroki, your character would force himself to believe that moving on is the right thing to do, and not giving the person who broke his heart another chance. It's different than you'd expect from a romance story, so the originality will score some points, and then Kusama-kun's character would wallow in self pity and both characters will have to move on, carrying the scars left by the heart-shredding break up and memories. Like in my last tragic novel, the character I'd based on myself decided to accept that the one he loved had found someone who made him happy, and he chose to live with it. It was very tragic and very _popular_

"Since when do you even care about popularity?" Hiroki snapped.

"I know. It's tough." Usami sighed. "But I already promised a tragedy to surpass the last. I have to redeem myself in the eyes of the fans who've lost interest."

"Fuck the fans who've lost interest!" Hiroki bellowed. "If they've lost interest, then they wouldn't know quality literature if it smacked them in the face!"

"Why're you so upset?" Usami frowned.

Nowaki couldn't fathom how long it took his lover's friend to even notice that the two were uncomfortable with the idea. Though, from what Hiroki had told him in the past, Usami could be very selfish when it came to his writing- and the man supposedly acted like anything that he thought up should be deemed acceptable, regardless of intricate matters such as these.

"Because I'm sick of you exploiting the most personal aspects of my personal life for your stupid stories! You want to take one of the most painful periods of my life and write it up and alter it just because… because what? It's a challenge?!" Hiroki argued.

"It _is_ a challenge. If I can't write it, then I'm no good as an author. An author who limits himself to fluffy, happy-go-lucky stories might as well just write for children." Usami replied.

"I thought you became a writer because you _wanted_ to write. Because you _enjoyed_ writing, and because you were _**good**_ at it!"

"But I also enjoy being challenged and proving to myself that I'm a good writer." Usami huffed. "Which is why I need to seek inspiration where it's to be had. I know I've made the right choice in selecting you two."

Nowaki sighed, head lowering as he stared miserably at his hands. Hiroki watched him out of the corner of his eye, grimacing.

Stupid Bakahiko! Hurting Nowaki's feelings like this… why did he have to show up out of nowhere and make such idiotic demands! He was _always_ like this as they grew older- arrogantly demanding to take whatever he wanted without showing any remorse or acknowledgement that the things he did could have a negative effect on people- could really, _really __**hurt**_ people!

Fuming, he grabbed Usami's laptop and pulled it over. "I'll give you a depressing plot, Akihiko." He snapped, typing away. "One that'll really hit home with you and inspire you!"

"Hit home with me?" Usami considered this, excitedly. "But I can write it, myself."

"Since you're so carefree when it comes to exploiting the personal and painful memories and experiences of others, I'll give you one of the most painful experiences of my life! The first time my heart shattered into a trillion pieces, by your hand."

Usami blinked, falling silent.

"I can even present you with a title! It'll be called: Akihiko doesn't give a shit about anyone but his own damn self and values his fans over his childhood friend and the people he exploits! Aww, but that's a little long-winded! Maybe you can just entitle it: 'Akihiko is an insensitive bastard!'" He hit enter twice after centering the title atop the page. "Once upon a time there was a stupid man named Akihiko, who was in love with an even stupider man named Takahiro!"

Usami's eyes narrowed and even Nowaki was perturbed by the things Hiroki was saying (and typing).

The brunette continued: "Unbeknownst to the idiotic Akihiko, his childhood friend, whose name was Hiroki, the stupidest character in this stupid story, had been in love with him since they were ten years old."

Usami's eyes grew wide and Nowaki touched Hiroki's arm.

"Hiro-san…!"

"Oh, it's just starting." Hiroki muttered, eyes glued to the screen as he typed. "Even though Hiroki was the stupidest character in this stupid book, he was still smart enough to understand that the one he loved most shared his problem- a stupid unrequited love for a stupid moron! He tried various times to work up the courage to admit his feelings to the stupid Akihiko, but his fear of rejection always stopped him…" He slowed, swallowing, nervously, brows furrowing.

"…He valued his friendship and the closeness he shared with the stupid Akihiko so much that he feared it might be lost if he admitted how he felt… but one day when he noticed his stupid friend was at a weak point, and finally seemed to be realizing that the stupider Takahiro had found someone he loved and had moved on, right after he had finished writing a really stupid fucking novel that was a best seller, Hiroki decided to take advantage of the moment and he told the stupid Akihiko that they should try having…"

He trailed off and Nowaki stared at his lover, incredulously. Usami, who was already very much familiar with the _stupid _story, just stared at his friend, growing more and more disturbed as the _stupid_ story progressed.

"…He stupidly told the stupid Akihiko that all he needed was a blindfold… and he covered his eyes and assured him that so long as the stupid Akihiko pretended that stupidest Hiroki was stupider Takahiro, that stupid Akihiko would be fine- finally satisfied… He had ulterior motives that, to this day, he couldn't understand how the stupid Akihiko hadn't noticed or wondered about. Probably because stupid Akihiko only cared about himself and stupider Takahiro, and didn't care at all about stupidest Hiroki…"

"Hiroki…" Usami interjected, reaching out for his laptop but Hiroki slammed his hand against the table, trembling.

"It's not finished!" He snapped. "…The stupidest Hiroki was beginning to feel happier and happier as the seconds drew on, those large, cold hands he'd fantasized about touched him caringly, and lovingly. He had hoped that through this idiotic act, his feelings would reach the stupid Akihiko… and Akihiko moaned a name twice as he came inside the stupidest Hiroki…

Hiroki barely caught the end of the name the first time. He heard 'Hiro' and it had been, at that point, the single happiest moment of his life…"

Usami swallowed a lump in his throat as he gaped at his childhood friend.

"…Then he heard the full name the second time. The stupid Akihiko had whispered '**Taka**hiro…" He stopped typing and closed the laptop, glowering disgustedly down at it for a moment before closing his eyes. "…You're an author. You can come up with lots of beautiful, grandiose ways of describing how torn up the stupidest Hiroki was. How he wanted to vomit, how his heart shattered, how much worse, if possible, he felt when the stupid Akihiko walked off, visibly regretful… obviously feeling guilty about besmirching Takahiro by performing such an act… completely and blissfully unaware of how terribly he'd hurt his friend… probably assuming the stupid Hiroki had just done it for a good fuck, or to mess with him, or maybe he just brushed it off as the stupid Hiroki trying to help and be a good friend- the stupid Akihiko was naïve like that."

All Usami could really do was stare at his friend in silence. What in the hell could he say to that? What could he do? Apologize? It had been nearly ten years since that incident.

He really had thought only of Takahiro at that time, and how foolish he'd been for trying something so disgusting… he even recalled being the slightest bit angry at Hiroki for suggesting it, afterward…

Hiroki let out a heavy sigh, clasping his fingers atop the laptop. "…Nah. That won't work. That one also has a happy ending."

Usami blinked as Hiroki glanced over at Nowaki, taking his hand, twining their fingers.

"I want to go home."

"Yes." Nowaki stood, waiting for Hiroki to move away from the table and the two left, hand in hand.

+_+_+_+_+

Nowaki was worried. Very worried. He'd caught the gist of what had happened before, one time, when Hiroki had been drunk- not that he'd questioned the man in his alcohol-induced state on purpose, he just mentioned Hiroki's 'crying face' and how he had fallen in love with it, and Hiroki and told him a bit on his own.

Finally, he pulled Hiroki down an alleyway, out of sight and away from the general public. Hiroki looked up at him.

"It's unlike you to want to hold hands in public. Hiro-san…"

"Yeah, it is. After today, don't expect me to do it in broad daylight…" Hiroki mumbled, quietly.

"That story… Hiro-san? You were holding that in for many years… and your pain leaked into your words… and your body, even. You're still shaking." He held Hiroki's hand tighter, frowning. "Hiro-san… are you alright?"

Hiroki nodded. Despite his trembling, and the pained expressions he'd worn moments ago in the diner, he now looked relaxed and at peace. "…I'm sorry… I'm sorry it came out like that… I'm sorry it came out like that in front of you, and in front of him… I shouldn't have said that… that was really… cruel… but I feel better."

"Do you?" Nowaki asked.

"…Yeah… I feel like… I've gained closure, somehow…" He looked up at Nowaki, right into his eyes. "…You know, Nowaki. I don't have any feelings for him anymore. Not romantic ones, anyway. He's special. Very special to me…" He looked down, frowning. "…He's a very good friend, despite all those horrible things I said… but…" He slowly leaned forward, into Nowaki. "…But compared to you… there's no one else."

"…Hiro-san…"

"…I hate that I just did that…"

"I know." Nowaki hugged his lover, tightly. "…Usami-san probably knows, too… but it's probably not healthy. Keeping that inside so long."

"…" Hiroki shrugged. "I wish I never said it… part of me does… still… I'm relieved."

"Why?" Nowaki asked.

"…Even if it was just a smidgen… I was worried that… the feelings I had for Akihiko still remained, locked away somewhere inside… but when I let all that out… I don't feel afraid anymore… there's no doubt, anymore…"

Nowaki smiled, sadly. "…That's good, Hiro-san. I guess I feel relieved, too."

"I told you that you were the only one for me, before… it's not like I was lying. Every time I said that… I felt the way I do, now… even though there was that feeling, hiding away… I knew it paled in comparison to us… to this… and Nowaki…" He looked up, frowning. "…When you left for America… and when you came back… that time- that whole period… it was far more painful than when Akihiko moaned Takahiro's name."

Nowaki frowned, grimly. He knew it was meant to make him feel slightly better… Hiroki was indicating that because he loved Nowaki more than Akihiko, any sadness pertaining to Nowaki was more painful than sadness pertaining to Akihiko- but it was like a win/lose offer… it both hurt and relieved him.

He laughed at the stupidity and Hiroki chuckled, too.

"…Hiroki really is the stupidest one." Hiroki muttered.

"No." Nowaki caressed Hiroki's cheek. "_Hiro-san_ is **not** the stupidest one." He kissed his lover, and Hiroki kissed back, eagerly, wrapping his arms around Nowaki and pulling their bodies closer.

"…I'm surprised you reacted the way you did, Hiro-san… I think if I hadn't shown up just then- you probably would have reacted differently."

"…It's always bugged me that he uses me in his stupid smut novels. I know it bothers you. Knowing some other guy is writing about that kind of thing… about me… and about you…"

"It's a bit disturbing, but Usami-san is a very… unusual person." Nowaki admitted with a sigh. "Sometimes it did make my blood boil. I kind of figured you two had… done something… and to be perfectly honest, Hiro-san… and… I hope you won't hate me for saying this…"

Hiroki watched his lover, waiting for him to continue.

"…I think it's ugly of me, somehow… but… there is a part of me that is kind of glad… that Usami-san hurt you… that he did that. It's horrible. And I'm very sorry." He frowned, sorrowfully. "But-"

"I got it." Hiroki smiled and sighed. "If he hadn't… you and I… would never have met. I'm also …glad."

"I love you." Nowaki told Hiroki.

"…" Hiroki closed his eyes as Nowaki hugged him, again. "…I love you."

+_+_+_+_+

**AN: **Fluffy end of first chapter is fluffy- and yes, Usami is still sitting alone at the diner, wallowing in many negative emotions, and yes, the diner has the worst service ever since no one came to wait on them at all during this visit. XD

So… thoughts? Feedback? Hiroki too OOC? He has his moments, so sometimes I try to pass him off as IC when he does things like this, but it still doesn't sit well with me. _.

Next chapter starts off with some Egoist smut and then focuses on Usami- sorting out his feelings on the matter and Misaki trying to help…


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Thank you for your support- I hope you enjoy the second chapter.

**Disclaimer:** Junjou Romantica and Junai Egoist are the rightful property of Nakamura Shungiku

**Pairings: ** Egoist and Romantica

**Summary:** There is a type of comfort that only love can provide. The Egoist couple comforts one another physically and Misaki attempts to soothe Usami, who is struggling with some mixed feelings after having heard Hiroki's take on _the incident._

**+_+_+_+_+**

**To Write a Tragic Love Story**

_Chapter 2: Affection, Reflection, and Introspection_

**+_+_+_+_+**

The times when Hiroki would instigate sex were few.

… Unless Nowaki were to include those times when Hiroki had instigated by uttering: "_I'm cold…"_

So when Hiroki attached himself to Nowaki's face as soon as they stepped foot in their apartment, sliding his hands down the front and back of Nowaki's pants, it went without saying that he was more than slightly shocked.

_Not that he'd pass up such an opportunity._

Kicking the door closed behind them, Nowaki dropped his keys on the floor and pushed Hiroki against the nearest wall, grabbing his arms and pinning his wrists against it as he transferred their tongues into Hiroki's mouth.

He felt Hiroki struggling against him, and their clasped hands and arms trembled as they pushed against one another, Nowaki trying to keep his wrists pinned, Hiroki fighting to free himself.

"Nowaki!" He barked at last, turning away from their kiss, and Nowaki had been caught off guard, so he instantly relaxed his hold on his lover's wrists.

Hiroki shoved Nowaki away, (utterly confusing the poor man), then grabbed his shirt and pulled him back to him, kissing him again, and turning him, shoving him against the wall.

"Hiro-san…?" Nowaki blushed slightly, confused by his lover's odd behavior, then gasping slightly when Hiroki dropped to his knees and began expertly undoing Nowaki's belt and jeans.

"Hands." Hiroki tapped the wall on either side of Nowaki's hips and Nowaki hesitantly lowered his arms, palms and back against the wall.

Hiroki grabbed onto Nowaki's right wrist with his left hand, but he used his right to pull Nowaki's thick member from his boxers. He licked the head, before pressing the warm cock against his lover's lower abdomen, running his tongue along the underside.

"Hi…Hiro-san…" Nowaki closed an eye, gritting his teeth as his brows furrowed.

Hiroki straightened the cock, pumping it two or three times before pulling it down and mouthing it hungrily, bringing his face forward and taking in as much as he could.

With his free right hand, he grabbed Nowaki's other wrist and began bobbing his head forward and back, energetically sucking the taller man off.

He reveled in the moans that escaped his aroused lover, glancing up as he sucked.

Nowaki watched him, teeth clenched and a lustful expression on his face. His eyes narrowed and then closed as Hiroki swallowed his cock a few times. Grunting, Nowaki threw his head back, moaning loudly and thrusting forward into his lover's mouth.

Hiroki's thumbnails dug into Nowaki's wrists, warning him not to do that, again, before one hand slid down, massaging Nowaki's balls as he sucked, then grabbing the shaft as he pulled away, licking the precum from his lips.

"Hiro-san…" Nowaki panted. "Ah… amazing… But I can't take this anymore…"

Hiroki stood and Nowaki wrapped an arm around him, leaning down and raising Hiroki's shirt, mouthing an erect nipple as Hiroki's hands rose to tangle into Nowaki's black spikes.

"Nowaki... ah…"

Nowaki pulled Hiroki to the floor, laying him down and sucking gently at his throat, leaving a dark pink mark.

"Don't mark me there…" Hiroki protested, half heartedly.

"Hiro-san, I can't hold back…!" The younger man pinched a taut, pink nipple.

Hiroki breathed heavily, reaching up to bite down on his knuckles to stifle a soft moan that escaped, regardless.

Nowaki traced his tongue up and down Hiroki's neck, pausing when a very soft, almost inaudible chuckle escaped his lover. He pulled back, blinking. Was he hearing things?

"…Hiro-san…?" He whispered, cocking his head to the side as he stared at his lover's face- what he could see of it, anyway. The brunette had one forearm settled over his eyes, and because he was nipping at the skin on his middle knuckle, all Nowaki could make out was the red tinge to his cheeks. "…Did you laugh, just now?"

Hiroki slid his arm off of his eyes, resting it over his forehead, and he moved his other hand to Nowaki's face. He wore a small smile but it slowly faded as he gazed lovingly up at the younger man.

"Just remembered something…" Hiroki whispered.

Nowaki wasn't used to Hiroki's straightforward affection, so it was very hard for him to hold back, but he forced himself to ask, anyway.

"…Remembered what?" He asked, softly.

"…You took my key." Hiroki whispered.

Nowaki stared, confused for a moment before his eyes widened in recollection. ^^^He then narrowed his eyes until they shut, connecting his lips and tongue with Hiroki's, and they went at it again.

"Nowaki…" Hiroki whispered, sliding a hand down his lover's side and reaching behind, grabbing his ass yearningly and thrusting his hips upward into his lover's.

"Mmm!!" Nowaki moaned against his lover's tongue, grinding his hips down into Hiroki's, too.

"Nowaki!" Hiroki turned his head, breaking away from their kiss. "Now…"

Nowaki reached down, fumbling with his lover's belt and zipper until they were both undone, then slipping a hand inside to rub roughly at the bulge in the man's underpants.

"I want to make it last, Hiro-san. I'm going to lick it."

"Yeah…!" Hiroki whispered, reaching up behind his head and grasping at his hair. Nowaki slid down his body, pushing his lover's shirt up with his hand as he sank toward Hiroki's heated member.

He licked the head, stroking the shaft with his hands. "Hiro-san, tell me what you want."

"Suck here…" Hiroki whispered, breathily, massaging one of his balls and moaning as Nowaki did as told, jerking his lover off at the same time. The younger man pulled back after a moment. "Where else, Hiro-san?"

Nowaki almost lost it when Hiroki spread his legs wider, raising his hips. He leaned down, supporting his lover's ass and parting his cheeks as he licked at the man's entrance.

"Ah-!!! Nowaaakiii…" Hiroki whined, spreading his legs a little more. Nowaki pulled back for a moment to peer up at his lover.

"Hiro-san, make use of your hands…"

Hiroki shrugged a shoulder, eyes narrowing. "Pervert." He grumbled, but he did as his lover had suggested, bringing the fingers of one hand to a nipple and watching for his lover's reaction.

Nowaki stared lustfully at his lover as he ran his tongue up Hiroki's cock.

Hiroki took it from him, stroking once or twice before moving his hand from his chest to his mouth, arching his back and sucking on his fingers.

The younger male went back to his lover's hole, sliding his tongue smoothly inside and squeezing his ass with his hands.

Hiroki began moaning softly, consistently- before gasping when Nowaki slid a finger inside to join his tongue, poking his lover directly in the prostate, then pulling out his tongue.

"Oh God…" Hiroki grunted, throwing his head to one side. "Now, Nowaki! I can't wait anymore!"

Nowaki felt brave, so he stared at his lover's adorable hole and whispered. "Then tell me what you want, directly."

"Bastard! You know what I want!"

"Say it." Nowaki whispered, licking the surface, again.

"Mmm… Put it in!"

"There are many things I could put in." Nowaki pointed out. "Hiro-san should be more specific…"

"Your dick! Put it in!"

"Put my dick in what, Hiro-san?"

"You fuck… asshole…" Hiroki groaned, squeezing his hand around his cock, tightly. "Put your cock in my ass and cum inside me!"

Nowaki smiled. "That was so arousing, Hiro-san…"

"Mmm… put it in… fill me up with your huge cock…" Hiroki snapped, getting into it as he stroked himself in jerky motions.

Nowaki took Hiroki's hand away from his cock and he slid up, hovering over his lover. "Hiro-san, you're amazing in so many ways."

"Shut up!" Hiroki snapped and Nowaki poked two fingers against Hiroki's lips. Hiroki sealed them shut, glowering, and Nowaki frowned.

"I guess I can put it in without proper lubrication, but that might be painful for Hiro-san."

"Yeah, do it…" Hiroki told him, and Nowaki blinked, a tad startled. He was only trying to goad Hiroki into sucking on his fingers; he hadn't been expecting him to become aroused by the idea.

"Are you sure?"

"Put it in…"

"Hiro-san…" Nowaki's eyes narrowed and he kissed him, pressing his cock to his lover's hole. In truth, he'd slicked him up pretty well, but he still felt weird about not lubing his own cock in any way. He decided to try it, regardless, since Hiroki was already so horny and wanted it. If he showed signs of it hurting, he'd stop.

Carefully, he slid his cock between his lover's cheeks, thrusting just like that a few times before poking it inside.

"Aaah, yeah…" Hiroki grumbled, squirming. "Shove it in… hard!"

Nowaki flushed. Hiroki wasn't usually so enthusiastic, but he definitely wasn't going to question it. He caressed his lover's cheek and licked his bottom lip as he thrust forward, burying himself in his lover's heat.

"Aaah…" Hiroki winced, and Nowaki froze. "…S'good…" Hiroki grunted, though it had obviously been painful.

"Are you covering?" Nowaki whispered, seriously.

"No, it's really good… really… really good…" Hiroki's lashes fluttered as his brows furrowed, eyes shut tightly. "Move…"

"Off?"

"No, in and out- do I really have to spell it out for you?!" Hiroki's eyes shot open and he glared at his lover, who kissed his irritation away and began moving as his lover had asked.

Hiroki and Nowaki's stomachs compressed the older male's cock, but eventually he reached between them, jerking spastically at his length.

"Hiro-san." Nowaki bit down gently on Hiroki's shoulder. "You feel incredible…"

"Nowaki… you, too… so big inside… me… nn…!" He opened his eyes slightly to stare at Nowaki's face. "Are you coming?"

"Yes…" Nowaki whispered, mouthing Hiroki's left nipple, hungrily as he bucked his hips violently against his lover, coming hard inside of him and shuddering. He continued thrusting, even after he'd come, and the wet, squishy sounds and sensations sent Hiroki over the edge.

He threw his head back, hissing as he came between them, jerking violently and shuddering at the feeling of his lover's cum dribbling down his ass.

The two collapsed together, panting and groaning softly in the aftermath.

"Hiro-san… that was incredible…" Nowaki mumbled, and Hiroki huffed, raising his hands up and stroking Nowaki's back, gently, one hand sliding up into the back of Nowaki's hair.

Nowaki leaned up, touching his lips gently to Hiroki's. Hiroki didn't respond, really, for the first kiss, but on the second he parted his lips and caught Nowaki's top one, then kissing him fully the third time, touching his tongue against Nowaki's teeth then tongue, sliding his inside his lover's hot mouth.

"Mm…" He hugged his lover, tight, sliding his hand from his lover's hair to his face and holding him there for a moment, glaring when Nowaki pulled back.

"…Are you alright, Hiro-san?" He asked. "…You still feel bad about Usami-san?"

"Not thinking about him, right now. I'll deal with that, later. Right now, it's just Nowaki."

"Hiro-san, I'm going to do you again!"

"No you're not." Hiroki rejected him, turning his head away as Nowaki began kissing his neck. He was lying, of course.

+_+_+_+_+

The restaurant was closing. Because it was Sunday, it closed at eight.

Usami had ordered a black coffee, five or so hours ago, that had gone untouched.

He'd ordered it, obligatorily, because it was more convenient to just sit there and reflect on his friend's confession.

Finally, a staff member approached him, smiling.

"I know you." She said.

He glanced up, eying her wearily.

"You're Usami Akihiko, aren't you?"

"…" He glanced back down at the laptop in front of him, the words Hiroki had typed still remained on the screen. "You've got me confused for someone else."

"No. I don't." She told him, hiding the book she'd brought for him to sign behind her back and smiling. "…I'm sorry. You're obviously going through something right now. However, my manager asked that someone politely ask for you to leave, since the restaurant is closing."

Usami slowly reached up, closing his laptop, still staring blankly at where the monitor had been.

"You ordered one coffee. That comes out to two hundred sixty yen… the one who served it has gone home for the day, so there's no tip necessary… but if you don't mind, I have a tip for you."

He ignored her for the most part, still thinking of Hiroki.

"I've been here sixteen hours." She told him. "…I'm very sorry… but I overheard your conversation, earlier."

He glanced up at her once she'd revealed that.

"As a fan… that story… would be perfect. If you were to use it… you would definitely exceed your previous work, and it would probably sell more than any of your other ones… the romance ones, anyway…"

He frowned, looking down at his laptop.

"…But I think you'd lose your friend." She told him.

His eyes widened at this and she reached down, placing the book, open, before him. "…Can I have your autograph, please? …I get the feeling it's about to become tremendously valuable."

His eyes shook slightly as he mechanically took the pen from her, signing it.

She closed it, and picked it up. "…This one's on the house, today."

She walked off and left him to sit there for a moment before he grabbed up his things and slowly left, ignoring the rest of the staff which thanked him for coming and wished him a good night.

+_+_+_+_+

"Usagi-san!" Misaki screamed at him the instant he walked through the door. "Where have you BEEN all day?! I've been trying to reach you! Aikawa-san…" He trailed off when he noticed the expression on his lover's face.

"Usami-sensei!" Aikawa called, angrily from the couch. "You better have an excuse fo-!!!"

Misaki stopped her, gesturing for her to stop talking by waving his hand spastically from side to side, turning his upper body to her and shaking his head, frowning.

She cocked her head to the side, anger still evident on her face.

Usami stalked past Misaki, past Aikawa, and headed to his room without another word.

Aikawa looked at Misaki, who stared after his lover, concerned. "…What do you think?"

"No clue…" Misaki replied, honestly.

Aikawa sighed. "…A personal matter. Great. Just what we need…"

"I don't think he planned whatever it was- this is unusual for Usagi-san." Misaki defended his lover, glaring slightly at the red headed woman.

She sighed, rubbing her temple. "I give up for the day. You tend to the matter- whatever it is. This is horrible timing."

"…" Misaki turned away from her, following after his lover. "Ah- goodnight, Aikawa-san, please see yourself out."

"Yeah." She huffed, tossing her bag over her shoulder and heading off. "Let me know if it's serious…"

The door was closed when Misaki arrived at Usami's room.

He knocked gently with the back of his fist. "…Usagi-san? Is it okay if I come in?"

Silence was his answer, so he gently opened the door a crack. "…Usagi-san?"

"Not tonight." Usami replied, lying on his bed, fully clothed, clutching his laptop to his stomach.

Misaki opened the door, worry present on his face. "Usagi-san? What's the matter?"

Usami glanced at him, tiredly, then sat up, noticing Misaki's expression. He sighed, rubbing his face, groggily.

"Ah-!" Misaki smiled. "I think I know."

"No, you don't." Usami's voice was muffled behind his hands.

"…" Misaki smirked, certain he knew what the problem was. "It's not about the challenge you foolishly took, even though you have absolutely zero inspiration?"

"It isn't."

Misaki frowned, walking over to Usami. "…Did something happen?"

"I can't talk about it." Usami told his lover, who grew more concerned by the minute.

"Is it your family?"

"No. A friend. I don't want to talk about it."

"A friend?" Misaki blinked. "…Aikawa-san was with me and Isaka-san is-"

"Is NOT my friend." Usami grumbled, annoyed.

"So cold." Misaki teased, then frowned, again. Usami's mood didn't seem as though it would change. "…Usagi-san… Aikawa-san and I… we're worried about you."

Usami didn't reply, and this only worried Misaki more. But what could Usami say? 'You guys shouldn't worry about me' wasn't appropriate, since this would surely affect his writing. That would make it inappropriate to say to Aikawa, anyway… but Aikawa wasn't there, Misaki was, and he was sincerely concerned.

Usami reached up, placing his hands on either side of Misaki's face, frowning.

_"…hiro… Takahiro…!"_

He pulled away, quickly, closing his eyes and sighing, massaging his face, again.

"Usagi-san?! What's the matter?" Misaki whined. His lover was acting too strangely not to confront him about it. "Please explain to me, thoroughly, or I will be worried, all night!"

"A friend… told me today…" Usami trailed off, sighing heavily and falling back onto the bed, exhausted. If he told Misaki that a friend confessed that they had been in love with him, it would definitely only worry Misaki even more- or make him feel self-conscious…

"Usagi-san." Misaki glared at him. "You have to tell me. With every passing second, I become more and more worried!"

Usami ignored him, sighing yet again, which irked Misaki. Each time he sighed, he became more and more concerned! Why couldn't Usagi-san just spill it, already?!

Misaki worked up the courage to climb on top of the older man, holding his wrists against the firm mattress and pressing his knees into the bed on either side of Usami. That got his attention.

He looked up, tiredly at Misaki's stern and determined face, and after a moment, his brows furrowed and a smile graced his own.

Freeing one hand from Misaki's loose grip, Usami caressed his lover's face. "…Just this… and you made me feel very… just much better…"

"You seem so drained… it was a friend…?" Misaki frowned, losing the determined look in his face, replacing it with a sympathetic expression. "Please tell me no one close to you died?"

"No, no." Usami told his lover, reassuringly, and he realized, then, that unless he told Misaki, he would just continue running horrible scenarios through his mind, worrying unnecessarily. "It wasn't a death, and no one was physically hurt. My friend told me something that happened a long time ago that's really bugging me, that's all…"

"That's all?" Misaki asked, not believing him.

"…" Usami fell silent for a moment. "…You're not the only one I use as inspiration in my novels."

"I know…" Misaki blinked. "You based a character off of Aikawa-san to get back at her, one time, right? And it blew up in your face because many women admired the character and she even liked-?"

"Right, right…" Usami replied, quietly, looking away. "I use this person for _those_ novels, though."

Misaki's eyes widened. "Did Takahiro find out?!"

"No, not Takahiro, this person, you don't know…" He trailed off. That wasn't quite true. "Well… anyway, this person… he's a character in another of my Junai series… I've been using him since I started writing BL novels, because he's a good friend and an excellent character."

Misaki pulled back, slowly. Understanding crossed his face as he breathed: "Haaaa…"

Usami sighed, miserably, closing his eyes, again. "So this… he's complained about it in the past, but I-"

"Completely disregarded his concerns." Misaki raised a finger, pointedly. "And he feels like you take advantage of him and exploit certain _personal_ aspects of his life for your own benefit."

Usami sat up, glaring at Misaki. "He walked off and left me there to think about it, but you're here, so I'll tell you directly, if that's how you feel- just come out and say it."

Misaki blinked, caught off guard. "I understand his feelings, Usagi-san… that's for sure… but… I don't think it bothers me as much as it… evidently… bothers this person… um… please… I'm going to jumble this all up and it probably won't come out right, but please hear me out…" He shrugged his shoulders, looking up at Usami with big, nervous eyes that melted the angry expression completely away from Usami's face. "…You seem like… you've been terribly bothered by something… and… I don't know how close you are to that person you mentioned, but with me… if rejecting your ability to write about me made you this upset, I'd feel bad, so you should probably talk to that person… um… on the other hand…" He paused, trying to remember what he had intended to say from the beginning. "Ah-! Yeah… on the other hand… even though you've used certain aspects of my personal life and inserted your own fantasies in… um… there're two things!"

Usami stared at him, growing more and more confused as the boy spoke.

"…Ah… sorry…" Misaki sighed, lowering his head, embarrassed. "I knew I'd mess it up."

"It's alright. It's still cute, when you expatiate. …So, what two things?" Usami asked.

"Um… one… if he became upset, then I'm thinking that one of two things happened… either one- you actually wrote him in-character, UNLIKE ME."

Usami smiled, fondly.

"Or two… you wrote about something very painful…"

The look on Usami's face verified the second option, and Misaki sighed, heavily, realizing this. "I see… if that's the case, then there's not much I can do to help, but… suggest that you apologize…"

"I haven't written it, yet… you were very close, but there's more to it. The painful experience was something he suggested I work into my next novel, since I asked him for a more recent, and possibly more painful experience. But the experience he suggested… it was painful… because of me. And I never knew it, before…"

Misaki blinked, then frowned, hugging Usami, tightly around the neck. "…I still don't fully get it, but… I'm saddened by… your expression, how much it's affected you… and the gist of it all…"

Usami brought his arms up, slowly to hug Misaki back. "…Why are you being so nice to me?"

Misaki pulled away, fuming. "DIDN'T YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH ME FOR SYMPATHIZING WITH-?!!" His eyes widened at his own statement and his face flushed. "Err…"

Usami smiled, hugging him, again. "Misaki… thank you… please, just a little longer… let me hold you for a while…"

Misaki huffed. He was enveloped warmly in his lover's arms, and even though he'd embarrassed himself, slightly, he knew Usami's feelings took priority at that moment. Slowly, he brought his arms up to hug his lover, back. "I'm sorry. You can tell me more, if you feel comfortable, or you can wait and talk more, tomorrow."

"Even without knowing about it, fully… you understood my feelings. Misaki… this is why you're so special to me." Usami mumbled, and Misaki flushed more, burying his face in Usami's shoulder, then pulling back, pulling Usami's head against his own chest. He was supposed to be soothing Usami, after all, this seemed more appropriate.

"Usagi-san… I wish I could understand, better… I wish I could help you more…" He trailed off, cuing his lover to tell him more, if he felt up to it.

"…For tonight… what you're offering, now… is more than enough."

+_+_+_+_+

**AN: **That's it for chapter 2- I hope you enjoyed it. I wonder if the egoist smut was a tad distasteful… A lot of people felt that Hiroki acted a little OOC in both chapters, but they all agree that Hiroki can act a bit differently when it comes to very personal, emotional issues… (Library incident, anyone?)

Anyway, thank you very kindly for supporting me- as always, constructive criticism is welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** Third chapter… woo hoo… . I'm so tired. _.

**Disclaimer: **Junjou Romantica and Junai Egoist are the rightful property of Nakamura Shungiku  
**Pairings: **Egoist and Romantica

**Summary:** Usami contemplates giving up on his writing. After announcing this to Aikawa and Misaki, the media catches wind and plagues the Usami household with unwanted attention. While Misaki encourages Usami to sort out his feelings, Nowaki struggles to support Hiroki in his decision not to speak to Usami ever again… Both Usami and Hiroki can be extremely stubborn- will they sacrifice their friendship over senseless pride?

**+_+_+_+_+**

**To Write a Tragic Love Story  
Chapter 3: Rumors**

**+_+_+_+_+**

The following day, Aikawa returned with reinforcements.

"AKIHIKO!" Isaka kicked his foot against his friend's bedroom door, relentlessly. "Get your ass out of bed and stop wallowing in unnecessary angst! That's a horrible way to go about inspiring yourself!"

"Isaka-san!!!" Misaki wailed, darting up the stairs after the man, (who he'd told to stay put as he went to prepare some tea), and grabbing his arm, desperately. "Please don't bother Usagi-san! He's been up all night reflecting on something very important!"

"What's more important than living up to the challenge he-?!"

"Please, Isaka-san!" Misaki pressed his palms together and bowed his head. "Usagi-san is going through a personal ordeal, right now- you don't understand, but if you'll just come downstairs-!"

The door, opened, suddenly, and Misaki turned, gawking fearfully at his lover.

Isaka glanced over, smugly, waiting to give the man a piece of his mind, but Usami spoke first:

"I'm not writing, anymore. Leave."

Then he closed the door.

…

The color drained from Misaki's face and his eyes widened when his brain registered what his lover had just said.

Isaka took a bit longer to register the words before he glanced at Misaki.

"He's not serious, is he?"

"…" Misaki lowered his gaze to the ground, brows furrowing. "…Um… the thing is… he received… some negative feedback…"

"From who?" Aikawa asked, materializing behind Isaka. (She had darted to the restroom after arriving).

"…Uh… you see…" Misaki mumbled, glancing at the door and placing his hand against it, nervously. "…Usagi-san… if it were any fan, he probably wouldn't even care… when it comes to Usagi-san… if someone he cares about insults his works… it affects him very deeply… and especially if they suggested that… Usagi-san _used_ them…"

"To be portrayed as a character in one of the great Usami-sensei's works is like a dream come true!" Aikawa snapped.

"It's a real honor, you know!" Isaka agreed, insistently.

"Take it back!"

"Take it back, immediately!"

"…It wasn't ME!" Misaki huffed, narrowing his eyes and lowering his hand with a sigh. "Usagi-san knows I'm not into books… it was a friend of his… a good friend…"

"…" Aikawa and Isaka exchanged glances.

"A friend?"

"Someone who's into his books…?"

"…" The two thought for a moment before Aikawa frowned. "What was that guy's name…? The one who Usami-sensei gives his books to, before handing them over to us?"

"What?!" Isaka arched a brow. "You mean he shows them to another publishing company or a different editor, first?!"

"No, it's a childhood friend… Oooh…" She clasped her hands over her mouth, eyes widening. "That's right! He used him in his first ever BL novel!"

"BL novel…?" Isaka blinked.

"Err- nothing!" She laughed, nervously. He eyed her, annoyed, then glanced at Misaki. "Chibi-tan, did he happen to give you a name?"

"No…" Misaki frowned. "After listening to you two, I was hoping you could give me one… but I'm sure Usagi-san will tell me, on his own…"

"But what's this about not writing anymore?!" Isaka snapped. "That's ludicrous!"

"I agree… open up, sensei! We need to discuss this, thoroughly." Aikawa pounded on Usami's door and Misaki slid between Aikawa and the door.

"Please stop." Misaki told the two. "…Usagi-san just needs to sort a few things out. I usually side with you guys on the subject of Usagi-san putting off his work, but this time, there's really something very important going on behind the scenes. I'll definitely do my best to encourage Usagi-san to continue writing. Because I know he loves it, and is passionate about it, but for now, you guys… you… you need to back off… temp…or…arily…" He trailed off, nervously.

Aikawa and Isaka stared at him for a moment, before exchanging glances.

Isaka was the first to fold and he sighed, smiling. "…I guess we're defeated by Chibi-tan's determined gaze, for now… Aikawa-san… don't you agree?"

"…" Aikawa sulked, folding her arms and tapping her fingers against one of her crossed arms. She didn't look quite as convinced.

Misaki looked up at her, frowning. "Please, Aikawa-san… I know you are a driven person and that you've always forced Usagi-san to get over whatever obstacles came up, before… but this is more serious than anything that's ever come up, before… please… for now… please don't be his editor. Be his friend."

"…Fine…" Aikawa sighed. "…But my position as his editor outranks my position as his friend." She raised three fingers. "You have THREE DAYS to change his mind. After that, we'll be back."

"Ah-! Thank you." Misaki smiled, and the two headed out.

"We'll show ourselves to the door, thanks." Isaka waved, annoyed as he practically dragged Aikawa out, by the wrist.

"Misakiii!" She called over her shoulder. "I left some snacks on the counter in the kitchen! Even though you've betrayed me, help yourself to them!"

Misaki laughed, softly, waving. "I will, thank you, Aikawa-san…" He turned, knocking gently on the door to Usami's room. "May I enter, Usagi-san? They're gone."

Downstairs, Aikawa and Isaka lingered in the doorway, readying to head out.

"I just can't fathom the prospect of Usami-sensei not writing, anymore." Aikawa sighed, leaning against the doorframe. "It just doesn't seem like him. I know he puts his work off, often enough, but all of my writers do that."

"Something happened…" Isaka shrugged. "And stuff happens, all the time. It's not like he needs to rely on writing, anyway. He has a major in law or whatever, right?"

"Don't speak such heresy!" Aikawa roared and Isaka laughed.

"Please tell me it isn't true."

The two blinked, turning and gawking at a man who stood on the other side of the door.

"…Who are you, and how long have you been standing there?" Isaka arched a brow.

"Wait… we've seen him around Marukawa… haven't we?" Aikawa asked, opening the door and stepping out. Isaka stepped out with her.

"Ah… It's Sumi-sensei's kid…" Isaka realized, nodding.

"Please tell me it's not true that Usami-sensei has given up on writing." Sumi snapped.

"…Mmm… it's not true." Isaka lied, and Aikawa shrugged.

"Nope… it's just an author's fit- your father has them, occasionally, as well."

Sumi frowned. "Are you lying? If you are, I'll just find out from Misaki."

"Ah- he's Chibi-tan's age-"

"He must be Misaki-kun's friend…" Aikawa nodded to Isaka.

"…Then we'll leave it to Chibi-tan!"

"He's busy, anyway, he won't answer."

The two headed off, leaving Sumi infuriated.

He whipped out his cell and texted Misaki, demanding he be let in and to know if it was true that Usami was giving up on his writing.

**+_+_+_+_+**

"Usagi-san…?" Misaki sat at the foot of the bed. Usami lay beneath the blankets and a few Suzuki-san bears.

"What…?"

Misaki frowned, clasping his hands in his lap and ignoring the quiet vibrations of his cell phone in his pocket, assuming it to be Aikawa or Isaka. "…I think this is one of those things that you have to reflect on, for sure… and I can understand if you want to reflect on it, alone… but I want you to know that… if you do want to talk about it… I'm here for you."

Usami was quiet for a moment. "…Thank you, Misaki."

Misaki frowned, waiting for Usami to continue or to say anything else. Frowning, Misaki stared sadly at his feet. "…Usagi-san…"

"It's not that I don't trust you enough to tell you." Usami muttered, softly.

Misaki blinked, glancing over at him. "…What was that, Usagi-san?"

"I said the reason I won't tell you isn't because I don't think you're good enough to help me. I just hope you don't think that's what it is."

"…Then why?" Misaki frowned. "…Is this about me not understanding your past?"

Usami frowned. "…Not really. It's that… my childhood friend… admitted to me that he used to be in love with me."

Misaki blinked, eyes widening.

"And I didn't want you to take in that fact- and the fact that I'm dwelling on it- and think anything weird. I only love Misaki..."

Misaki flushed, averting his gaze. "…Ah… well… I don't think you have feelings for anyone else… a-and I won't be so selfish that I only focus on thoughts like: 'woe is me, there could be someone else for Usagi-san!' I'm completely intent on focusing on your problem, Usagi-san!"

Usami sighed, smiling. "…So you want to help me reflect? I keep running the same thoughts over and over in my head… maybe if I say them out loud…"

"Yeah." Misaki turned, lying down next to Usami. "Lay it all on me, Usagi-san, I'll help as best I can!"

"Alright…" Usami sighed. "…We we've been friends since we were ten years old…"

"Mm-hmm?" Misaki nodded.

"…Looking back on it now, I kind of see… I mean… it's more apparent, now that I look back… that he must have been in love with me all this time… I mean… and now that I see it, I don't understand how I failed to notice it, before…"

"…" Misaki frowned. "…You're still close?"

"Well, up to last night."

"…Did he know about your feelings for my brother?"

"…Yes." Usami frowned. "…Misaki… I have to tell you something… I don't know how you'll react, and I don't want to lose you… but I think you'll… stay by my side, even after hearing it."

"…I will." Misaki promised, hesitantly reaching over and squeezing Usami's hand.

"…Never mind." Usami rolled over and tugged the blankets over his head. Misaki gawked.

"HEY! I JUST SAID I WOULD STAY BY YOUR SIDE!"

"It'll revive negative feelings that I'd rather be kept dead."

"Usagi-san!" Misaki tore the blanket off of his lover, aggravated. "If it's about my brother, it's fine! As long as you never did anything physical with my brother, there's no reason for me to feel upset!"

"What if I had done something physical with him?" Usami asked, and Misaki froze.

"…Hah?"

"If I had done something physical with him… what then…? Would you stay by my side? Would it change anything?"

"…" Misaki fell silent. Fairly confident Usami hadn't done anything physical with his brother, his impulse was to reply 'of course it wouldn't change anything!' but even though this was a hypothetical question, it was obvious that Usami needed the most honest answer Misaki could provide.

So for just a moment, he seriously contemplated… if Usami were to seriously reveal that he'd had sex with Takahiro, or even just jerked off with him or something… kissed him, maybe…? Whatever it was… would it change anything? If he'd jerked off with him, that would be a bit disturbing… but had that happened, Takahiro certainly wouldn't have handed him over to Usami to look after… if he'd kissed him, which really wouldn't surprise Misaki, then that was really no big deal, either- as his brother probably thought it was a 'friendship kiss!' or something lame like that…

…It wasn't very likely that something physical had happened between them… however… Usami had written about Takahiro and himself having sex… when he'd found out the first time, he'd been furious…

This enabled him to get a better idea of what the other guy felt like- the one Usami had written about… he could definitely take the mysterious guy's side, but right now, Usami needed some encouragement and support… or maybe… maybe he just needed to be talked with…

"…Um… about how I would feel if I found out something happened between you and niichan… Usagi-san… I don't think anything did… so it's really a little silly to ask me about it… obviously if you did, I'd feel bad, but… even if that were the case… I'd feel hurt even more if… upon realizing this… you refused to talk to me about what's troubling you… how do I say this…? If you tell me what's bothering you, and I'm able to help, even a little… I'll feel like I'm of use to you, Usagi-san… and I'll be happy if I can alleviate any of your pain, at all…"

Usami sighed, and was quiet for a moment, so Misaki decided to try again.

"…Um… Usagi-san… I don't know if you group me together with the guy you're talking about… since we both expressed our disdain… regarding your using us in your books… um… when I first found out about your writing about niichan… it really did bother me… so now that I know you used someone else, too… it makes me wonder if you liked them, too?"

"He was my friend, and a great character to write, and he inspired me to become a writer, so I used him. I didn't mean for it to make him sad- I meant it as the highest form of respect. I only write about people I care about."

"Except Aikawa-san."

"Even Aikawa-san." Usami muttered. "…It's my twisted way of showing I care about them, and that I understand them. Even though it bothered him that I wrote those things… he did comment that my characterization of him was very precise… It made me happy to know that he understood how well I knew him… but I guess I didn't know him… But… you know? I only started writing about him after I found out he was with that other guy… I was actually jealous, you know… I thought he was so lucky to find someone- and it happened right after we did what we did, so I figured it must not have meant anything to him…"

"…" Misaki blinked, remaining quiet for a moment as he interpreted what his lover had told him. "…Um… what do you mean, Usagi-san…? When you… say… 'right after we did what we did?'"

Usami's eyes widened and he was silent. He swallowed, nervously before closing his eyes and turning over, sitting up and forcing himself to look at Misaki.

Misaki was obviously struggling to maintain the image of a strong and kind lover- one who was willing to put aside his own anxieties and self-consciousness to provide a soothing role for his lover to rely on, in his time of need.

"…When we first met… when you confronted me about my writings… the stories about Takahiro… you said it didn't matter to me… as long as it was a man, it didn't matter who it was…"

Misaki blinked, then averted his gaze. "…I know… I remember… and I'm sorry, Usagi-san, I didn't think it was still bothering you- I meant it when I said it back then, but that's because I didn't understand how strongly two men could feel for each other- I definitely don't think that anymore."

"I know, but listen…" Usami sighed. "…The reason I got so pissed off… was because… Hiroki insinuated the same thing… he told me that if I blindfolded myself, it didn't matter who I was with- I could pretend it was Takahiro. At the time, I thought he was… I… I don't know what I was thinking- I must have been so desperate for Takahiro's affections that I completely disregarded Hiroki's feelings at all…" He bowed his head, shamefully. "I was so absorbed in my feelings for Takahiro… I didn't even notice that Hiroki was using that as a ruse to conceal his feelings for me… He was hoping that if we did… _that_… That his feelings would reach me..."

Usami waited for Misaki to reply and with every second of silence, he found his heart throbbing more and more. He'd just admitted one of his most shameful, guilt-infested secrets to Misaki, and the teen was giving him the silent treatment… or so he thought.

"He…" Misaki frowned, and Usami listened intently, focusing on every word. "…He used your feelings to get close to you… from what it sounds like… so then… he brought his sadness upon himself if it didn't go how he'd planned…"

"…" Usami was silent. Slowly, he raised a hand up, pointing at his dresser.

Misaki's line of vision followed his lover's finger and he glanced over at the dresser, gaze landing upon a laptop which was settled atop it.

"…Read it." Usami mumbled.

Misaki slowly got off the bed and headed over, looking around the laptop to make sure there were no papers, letters, or books or whatever else might be read. Certain, now, that his lover was referring to the laptop, he took hold of it, brought it to the bed, sat beside his lover, and opened it up.

The first thing that popped up was a security verifier. Usami's login was already selected, and it was asking for a password, which, unbeknownst to Usami, Misaki already knew.

Typing in his own name, and clicking enter, the word document Hiroki had tampered with appeared on the screen. Startled, Misaki blinked, and scrolled up, reading through the whole thing…

Usami stayed silent, waiting for his lover to finish. The teen was somewhat slow when it came to reading- but that may just have been in comparison to the great novelist, himself...

"…Then he heard the full name the second time. The stupid Akihiko had whispered '**Taka**hiro…" Misaki read the last part, aloud, frowning, thoughtfully.

Usami watched him, nervously, waiting for his lover to say something.

"…The content's sappy, and no one would take a story that starts off 'once upon a time' seriously…" Misaki critiqued. "Also, all the 'stupid,' 'stupider,' and 'stupidest' parts are distracting. I think a good writer shouldn't let their own biased opinions influence the writing style…"

Usami's eyes widened. "MISAKI!"

"I'm just kidding, Usagi-san…" Misaki closed the laptop with a sigh. "…Really… if this is how your friend feels… then… he should have said something, before… and it was his suggestion to begin with. You shouldn't feel bad about not understanding his feelings when he admittedly kept them secret from you. Usagi-san… you're smart in a lot of ways… but sometimes… when it comes to social things… you're just not as observant as others… niichan was your only friend that I ever knew of or noticed… the thought of you having close friends other than him… really strikes me as odd… so… no offense, but… I can't really see you paying so much attention to the feelings of some other 'friend,' unless you really love them… I think it's the same way with your family. It's not necessarily bad. It doesn't mean you're an inconsiderate person… it's just the way Usagi-san is… and… there's probably a reason for it…"

Usami stared at Misaki incredulously. How could someone so dense understand him so well? This was…

This was definitely…

"Misaki…" Usami slid the laptop to the side and wrapped his arms around Misaki, pulling him tightly against his chest. "…Th…thank you."

Misaki frowned, hugging him back. "Usagi-san…" He pulled away. "…Um… let me finish… I may be going a little out of order here… but I still feel like you need to be admonished…"

"Eh?" Usami's eyes widened.

"…See… it's… because I understand that about you… that it… I mean… um… it's… not okay for you to use other people in your books if they want you to stop… um… with me, because I understand you… it's fine, even if I say to knock it off… because there's no harm done… but for niichan or this Hiroki-san… it may be painful… mm… well… maybe not for niichan…" Misaki laughed. "…But… you really should explain yourself to Hiroki-san… err… what's his last name?"

"Ah… Kamijou…"

"Kamijou-sa…" The color drained from Misaki's face.

"…Mm…? Oh… that's right… he was your literature teacher in your freshman year, wasn't he?" Usami frowned. "I forgot…"

"…" Misaki's eyes bulged. "…Wh… what?!"

"…You're right, Misaki… I need to try to contact Hiroki to tell him how I feel and explain myself."

With that said, the novelist quickly hurried out of the room and headed to the phone to call his childhood friend, leaving a very disturbed and confused Misaki behind to dwell on this new information.

Kamijou the Devil…

Was…

In love with Usagi-san…?

He gasped, suddenly, raising a hand to his mouth. 'Maybe THAT'S why he's so crabby all the time-!!! Ah… no, wait… Usagi-san said something about him being with someone, now… right…?'

He frazzled his hair with his hands and let out an exhausted sigh. This was all far too much information to process in such a short time.

**+_+_+_+_+**

"FATHER!" Sumi slammed his hands down on his father's desk at work, that evening. "I need you to find something out for me!"

"Keiichi? What're you doing here? You know I have a deadline coming up." Sumi Ryouichi muttered without looking up from his typing. "I came here to get away from the family so I can focus, what do you mean by showing up here, out of the blue?"

"I need you to verify something!"

"What is it?" His father looked up, annoyed. "Pork is fine with me."

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT DINNER! I want to know if Usami Akihiko is really truly giving up on his writing!"

Everyone hustling and bustling about the Marukawa Publishing center's 11th floor froze solid and glanced their way.

Sumi's father, who was completely engrossed in his writing, failed to notice. "Hah…? What makes you think that?"

"I overheard his editor and the executive director saying he told them that he's given up on writing. It can't be true! Tell me it isn't!"

"I don't know or care, Keiichi. Tell your mother pork is fine."

"…UGH!" Sumi turned, storming out of the facility. Stupid Misaki. Why wasn't he answering?!

**+_+_+_+_+**

_"…These rumors are just rumors- Usami-san has not yet confirmed nor denied the validity of such claims…"_

_"…While the sources are said to be reliable, despite that they've stemmed from within the publishing company, it is still mere speculation based on groundless evidence that popular novelist Usami Aki…"_

_"…Regardless of whether it's a mere publicity stunt or not, popular novelist Usami Akihiko's original and previous works have been selling like hot cakes, as of late…"_

Nowaki channel surfed, frowning as the phone rang off the hook.

Hiroki exited the shower, drying his hair with a towel. Annoyed at the relentless ringing of the phone, he walked over to the fax machine, raised the phone, and set it down, hanging up on Usami, who had been calling nonstop for the past three days or so.

"Hiro-san…" Nowaki turned off the TV with a heavy sigh. "You really ought to just answer his calls."

"It was just a telemarketer." Hiroki muttered, continuing to dry his hair, toweling it with all his might before lowering the towel and folding it up, tossing it in the laundry hamper down the hall. He turned to head into the kitchen but Nowaki caught him around the waist, tugging him back into the living room and onto the couch.

"Nowakiiii…" Hiroki muttered, annoyed.

Nowaki raised the remote with his free hand, turning on the TV.

_ "…is why homosexuals are abnormal and should be frowned upon by society!!!" _A man insisted as he slammed his hand down on his desk, then the camera turned to a man who nodded in agreement.

"…That's not what I wanted to show you…" Nowaki's brow twitched and he clicked the 'channel up' button.

_"…Popular novelist Usami Akihiko is rumored to be giving up his writing. Various reporters have attempted to inquire as to why the renowned novelist would suddenly put an end to his beloved works, but Usami-sensei has yet to comment. While he has not yet confirmed nor denied these accusations, his fans are left speculating what the meaning behind these rumors may entail… With us now is the president of the Usami Akihiko online fanclub. Ikeda Yumi-san, what are your thoughts on the recent rumors which have been circulating?"_

_ "Um… Usami-sensei has recently promised to surpass his most recent best-selling tragic love story- therefore, some of his fans, myself included, are speculating that because he admittedly required extra inspiration to write such a heart-wrenching tale, he may have found it and has thus delved into a fit of depression… it's no professional opinion, though- just fan speculation…"_

Hiroki snagged the remote and turned off the TV, annoyed. "Don't care."

"Hiro-san…"

"I don't!" Hiroki snapped, tossing the remote to the other side of the couch. "Anyway, shower's free."

"Hiro-san…" Nowaki sighed, not letting up on his grip around the slighter man's waist. "…Even though Usami-san hurt your feelings… I think you should answer his calls. And aside from being his friend, you've always adored his works. You told me so, yourself… a dozen times."

"So what? If he decides to quit writing, that's his own problem. He'll deal with it- it's got nothing to do with me." Hiroki huffed.

"How can you say that, Hiro-san? It has everything to do with you. You should at least hear him out."

"Why are YOU encouraging me to talk to him? Aren't you perfectly content to have him out of our lives?"

"But he's not out of our lives, and he's your friend- I don't want you to be sad, Hiro-san… I don't think it's necessarily a good thing to have him gone. He's not really a threat, especially not now, and while he still possesses some traits I'm a bit jealous of, I think I value him as your friend… you're… you're to blame, to an extent, as well… Hiro-san."

"_I'm_ to blame?"

"You never told Usami-san how you felt up to the other day, did you?"

"Of course not! And I wouldn't have told him, then, if he hadn't made you make that face!"

"Please don't pin this on me, Hiro-san… you were the one who was hurting the most."

"I still wouldn't have ever done it if he hadn't been insensitive to our feelings- not just mine, and not just yours- both of us! We went through a lot of shit that's really none of his fucking business! What little I did tell him, those times, when you were gone, I told him in confidence, expecting sympathy and support! I didn't intend for him to use them in his stupid book a few years later! It's not right! He needs to have more consideration for our feelings! If he can grasp that it'd make a tragic story, then he should be able to grasp how painful it was for the two of us! It's not the type of thing you can take lightly or use at your leisure!"

"Hiro-san, stop yelling and becoming upset, I agree with you."

"…" Hiroki fell silent, realizing just how worked up he'd gotten, again. Sighing, he leaned back into Nowaki's hold. "…He pisses me off."

"Then talk to him about it."

"…No." Hiroki turned his head to the side, closing his eyes and Nowaki smiled, burying his nose in Hiroki's neck. "Hiro-san… you're so cute… but so stubborn…"

"I'm not cute! I'm an annoying old man who refuses to listen to his best friend because he's glad to know he's writhing about it."

"Hiro-san, that's horrible!"

"You think I don't know that?!" Hiroki pulled away and stood, flushing when his towel loosened from around his waist and directing his anger at Nowaki for having the audacity to glance down in hopes of its falling off, rather than maintaining constant eye contact.

Nowaki seemed to catch himself and he quickly glanced up to meet Hiroki's gaze, but a mischievous little smile indicated his intentions were anything but pure.

Hiroki glared at him, loosening his hold on the towel and letting it droop down his slender hips. "Well, Nowaki…?" He muttered, untying the knot at his side, slowly. "…Do you want me to return Akihiko's calls…? Or do you want me to spend our day off with you…?"

Nowaki closed his eyes, heaving a heavy sigh. He thought for a moment before looking around to see how many books were lying about the apartment within easy grasping range of Kamijou the devil.

"Hiro-san… I love you… which is why…" The phone rang and Nowaki picked it up on the first ring. "…I want you to talk to him." He raised it up and Hiroki glowered at his lover.

After a quiet moment, Hiroki slowly tied the knot at his waist and reached over, pulling the phone to his ear.

"…What."

Nowaki leaned back on the couch, patting the seat beside him. Hiroki sat down, twisting the cord around his finger.

"…Mm-hmm… mm-hmm… does it cut up bananas without smashing them? … But if the bananas are green, they won't taste good!"

Nowaki eyed his lover, then glanced at the caller I.D.

"No thanks. Call back when you come up with a tool that cuts up bananas without smashing them." Hiroki hung up.

"…I thought it was Usami-san." Nowaki muttered, embarrassed.

"They were trying to sell me another one of those stupid vegetable cutter things!"

"We already own two, I told you not to buy anymore."

"I didn't!"

"But if the salesman had lied and promised that they cut up bananas without smashing them, you would have!"

"…Well… he didn't, so I didn't buy one." Hiroki folded his arms.

"…Weird though… it's been Usami-san all day…"

"Yeah, about that- I'm not talking to you."

"Hiro-san! Call him!"

"Get away from me."

"CALL HIM!" Nowaki held the phone out.

"I'm going to the used book store." Hiroki snapped, standing and heading to his room to get dressed.

"Hiro-san…"

**+_+_+_+_+**

**AN:** Well, that's it for chapter 3. Next chapter, Usami will attempt to make amends via abnormal means, thanks to some encouragement from Misaki.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **I come bearing the next installment of my angsty fic. . Not as angsty as most angsty fics, I guess, haha… but it's ABOUT angst… does that count?? XD

**Disclaimer: **Junjou Romantica and Junai Egoist are the rightful property of Nakamura Shungiku

**Summary:** With Misaki's encouragement, Usami struggles to make amends with Hiroki- He intends to ensure that his feelings reach his childhood friend.

**+_+_+_+_+**

**To Write a Tragic Love Story**

_Chapter 4: _Resilient Pride

**+_+_+_+_+**

"Usagi-saaan…" Misaki whined as he slumped against the front door. "Those tabloid reporters won't go awaaay… if I leave for university, they'll see me and wonder why I am living with you…"

"So what? Just tell them you're the help." Usami mumbled as he dialed Hiroki's number again. He had to take a short bathroom break, and though he attempted to take the phone with him, Misaki insisted he not.

"I AM the help!" Misaki snapped before sighing. "…But it would still look suspicious… Sumi-sempai offered to let me stay over until this whole thing blows over…"

"No way."

"But Usagi-san! If word spreads that you're living with another guy-!"

"No one will even care or notice." Usami hung up when the line went dead and tried again.

"Usagi-san!" Misaki approached him, annoyed. "I took a journalism class in high school! The teacher made us do as much research to find out about her as possible! All I had to do was google her name in order to find out more about her on various websites!"

"So?"

"SO! If someone googled 'Misaki' and 'Akihiko,' do you know what they would find?!!"

"…" Usami hung up, again giving his lover's question some thought. "…Those are the characters names in one of my BL books… so they'd find the book characters… then they may recognize my writing style and recognize that I wrote those BL books… and then they may realize that you and I are an item."

"They would li-!!! … Wait, you hit it, dead on…" Misaki eyed his lover, annoyed. "Exactly. EXACTLY! So I hate to abandon you in your time of need, and in fact, being away from you at all, especially now, makes me very sorry and sad, but for both of our sakes, I think it's best if I leave for a bit."

"Good idea." Usami called his bluff, picking the phone back up and dialing.

"USAGI-SAN!!! JUST ANNOUNCE TO THEM THAT THE RUMORS ARE ILLIGITIMATE AND PUT AN END TO THIS INSANITY!"

"The rumors aren't illegitimate… though I do wonder who in the hell started them." Usami muttered.

A knock sounded at the door and Usami took the phone and headed around the corner into the other room to hide.

"Uuuuusaaaagiiii-saaaaan!!!"

"Answer the door, Misaki."

Misaki blinked, turning and hurrying to the door, peeking through the peep hole.

Sumi stood on the porch, waving at him, Aikawa and Isaka at his side- a herd of reporters hovering about, behind them.

"…Usagi-san… I think you may want to come take a look."

Usami hung up the phone and headed over, peering through the peep hole before frowning. He dialed Aikawa's number on his cell then peeked through the hole, watching as she answered without checking to see who it was.

"Hello." She spoke into the phone but stared straight at Usami's peep hole and thus straight at Usami.

"You may enter- the other two may not."

"Sumi-kun has something he'd like to talk to both you and Misaki-kun about."

"I don't care."

"And executive director Isaka needs to use the restroom."

"…I'd prefer if he didn't use mine."

Misaki nudged Usami behind the door and opened it, hiding behind, as well.

A flood of flashes, questions, and cries followed after Aikawa, Isaka, and Sumi as the three poured in and quickly shut the door behind them, all looking quite peeved.

"Sempai, why are you here?" Misaki blinked. "Is this because I ignored the three hundred seventy eight texts you sent me or the calls I didn't answer? I've been really busy, I'm sorry… and my battery died the other day and I couldn't get my charger from the university because it was the weekend- also the paparazzi have been on our front lawn for the past three days."

"You left your phone charger at school?" Sumi huffed.

"Yeah, I think so. I even ordered a new one off the net, but it hasn't arrived yet."

Isaka raised a package. "This might be it."

"You went through our mail?!" Usami fumed.

"No, those reporters were, so we snagged it." Aikawa folded her arms. "Sensei, I understand you have a right to your privacy but you need to go out there and settle this thing with the media so they back off."

"Okay, I'll tell them I'm done with writing, then." Usami opened the door and Sumi rammed his back into it, arms folded and glaring.

"So it's true?! You're really not going to write, anymore?!"

"Of course it's not true." Isaka huffed. "Akihiko was born to write."

"No, I've truly given it up." Usami huffed.

"The reason for all the reporters out front," Misaki interjected, annoyed. "Would any of the three of you have anything to do with it?"

"…" The three fell eerily silent.

"As I thought." Misaki sighed.

"I came to visit the other day and I caught these two leaving. I also overheard them talking about Usami-sensei's sudden urge to quit writing. I couldn't accept it so I asked my father to verify. Some people overheard our conversation and before I knew it, it was all over television and in the tabloids… I apologize for my mistake, but if Usami-sensei gives up on writing, it'll be an even bigger mistake!" Sumi snapped.

"Agreed." Isaka huffed. "I don't know what's gotten into you all the sudden, but to suddenly decide to stop writing is irrefutably asinine."

"I'm also inclined to agree." Aikawa huffed. "Surely, whatever happened-"

"Shut up." Usami muttered, suddenly, interrupting all three, who stared at him, quizzically.

"…Usagi-san…" Misaki placed a hand on his arm, frowning. "…Wh-what Usagi-san is trying to say is… there's an ordeal-"

"Whatever, it's been three days- get over it, already." Isaka muttered, annoyed. "I can't imagine that whatever happened impacted his life so much that he'd give up on something he's put his entire heart into in the past- ever since he was small, from what I understand."

"You don't understand, so don't just keep going on as though Usagi-san's side doesn't matter." Misaki huffed, annoyed. "Usagi-san is dealing with some stressful things involving a very dear friend, and-"

"Usami-sensei…" Sumi spoke up, interrupting Misaki. "Even if it's something as extreme as a dying friend-"

"It's a dying _friendship_." Usami snapped. "…A very important friendship. I tried to use a painful experience of a friend to inspire myself and ended up wounding them deeply. Because of the way I offended my friend, they revealed something very unsettling to me. Now, all of my energy is going toward mending whatever is left of the friendship between us, and this time, I'm choosing my friend over a stupid book. My writing, my career, none of it, regardless of how much you three value it, is more important to me than my friend."

"…Then call him and tell him." Isaka shrugged.

"I've tried! He won't answer!"

"Then write about it." Sumi snapped.

-

Usami glared at him for being so persistent.

"Hear me out." Sumi huffed, pointing. "If he's a dear friend to you and 'writing' is what suddenly came between you two, then he must be involved, in some way or another, with your writing, correct?"

"…"

"Then write about it. Write your feelings. Reach out to him through your work. If he loves your novels, and I don't see how anyone possibly couldn't, then he'll read it- and your feelings will reach him that way."

Usami averted his gaze, and while the others weren't certain if he was giving Sumi's advice any thought or not, Misaki understood that this suggestion had struck Usami quite hard.

"I came to apologize for causing all this mess." Sumi muttered. "Maybe you can put my advice to some good use and resolve it, that way. Whatever you do… please don't stop writing… your works are very important- not just to me. Yours were the only works that ever moved me, and I'm not easily moved… if your words can move someone like me, then surely your feelings will reach your friend through your upcoming work. If he's not answering you, then reach out to him in a way you know he can't ignore."

"…" Aikawa and Isaka watched Usami's stoic expression before blinking and stepping aside as the man passed them, opening the front door and stepping outside, closing it behind himself.

The two glanced at one another, then to Misaki, looking for some kind of explanation or suggestion as to what the man was doing. Misaki simply shrugged and Sumi huffed, peeking through the peep hole, interested.

"Usami-san!" A reporter raised a microphone, quickly and her cameraman zoomed in on him. "Can you confirm or deny the allegations pertaining to your sudden decision to quit writing?"

"…Those rumors are nothing more than rumors." Usami replied, in a cool and even voice.

**+_+_+_+_+**

Hiroki watched the television from his seat in the book store's coffee shop, sipping at a warm cup of coffee, arching a brow.

_"While I had dabbled with the idea of giving up on my writing due to another personal matter taking priority over the challenge I'd set for myself… I've decided not to give up, completely. I may or may not meet the deadline that was asked of me, due to the personal matter that's come up, but I'll do my best to attend to all matters- both personal as well as professional- without further delay. Thank you for your understanding, and please look forward to my upcoming work."_

An annoyed teenage girl switched off the TV and turned to whine to her friends. "I tooold you it was just a publicity stunt."

"What're you talking about? Something came up- famous people like writers are people, just like us."

"Whatever- I'm cynical of anything any famous person does- same goes for politicians."

"You're _too_ cynical."

The childish banter served as white noise for Hiroki who finished his coffee, stood, and headed home, deep in thought.

**+_+_+_+_+**

"Hiro-san," Nowaki greeted him once he returned home. "Did you see the news?"

"Akihiko's going to continue writing- good for him. I never told him to stop." Hiroki muttered. "Still got nothing to do with me."

"How can you say that, Hiro-san? It has everything to do with you. After what you said… er… or wrote… you should definitely let him talk to you. He's writhed enough, don't you think?"

"I don't."

"Hiro-san!"

"DROP IT." Hiroki snapped, making his way to their bedroom.

Nowaki sighed, combing his hands through his mussed hair. "…Hiro-san… I don't like spending our only days off like this."

"Then drop all that crap about Akihiko." Hiroki called from their room as he lay on the bed, reading through one of Usami's old books.

"But if you'd just give…" Nowaki entered and glared. "…Are you reading one of Usami-san's books?"

"So what?" Hiroki huffed. "The books are good. _Akihiko_ is bad."

"Usami-san… is not **bad**, Hiro-san." Nowaki frowned, sitting at the edge of the bed. "…I really think you should talk to him."

"The phone's not even ringing- I'm not calling him of my own accord. If he wants to apologize, he should call me."

As if on cue, the phone rang. Nowaki headed into the living room, looking at the caller I.D. "Hiro-san, it's Usami-san, shall I answer it?"

"Nope."

"But you _just_ said…"

"Just let it ring- the machine'll get it."

Nowaki sighed, staring at it. After a moment, the machine picked up.

_"Hello, you've reached the Kamijou-Kusama residence. Please leave a detailed message after the beep."_

"Um… I uh…" A foreign voice sounded through the machine and Hiroki entered the room, staring quizzically at the contraption. "Sorry to bother you, Kamijou-sensei… this is Takahashi Misaki… I took one of your classes a few semesters ago and… had a question about… academics… if you could call me back, my number is…"

Hiroki stared at the caller ID, then at Nowaki, then he stared off into space.

"TAKAHASHI Misaki…?" He thought, running the name through his memory. Takahashi was Takahiro's family name, meaning this runt was probably the idiot's little brother- but had he really had the displeasure of teaching the brother of such a dimwit…? Ah, yes… Takahashi Misaki… always sitting with Sumi Keiichi, who would often fall asleep during class… if he recalled correctly, neither of them had done particularly well in his class… Sumi loathed most literature, overall, and Takahashi… well he simply hadn't been very good at conveying his thoughts and feelings coherently and thus had barely passed with a low B.

"…So, again, th-thank you for any assistance you can provide… have a nice day…" The machine beeped and ended the call.

Nowaki glanced at Hiroki, interested. "Takahashi Misaki…?"

"…Student… who's evidently living with Akihiko… this is a trap, I'm not calling back." He huffed, turning and heading to his room, again.

"But it's a _student_ Nowaki pointed out, frowning.

"I know… it's bothersome, but I know it's a trap."

"But he has a question pertaining to academics…"

"He's lying, Nowaki. Takahashi was Takahiro's last name."

"…Takahiro Takahashi?" Nowaki grinned, happily. "That's a fun name."

"'A fun name,' he says…" Hiroki muttered, plopping back down on his bed and looking for his lost place in Usami's book.

Nowaki sat beside him with a sigh before lying down next to Hiroki, resting his head in his arms. "…Hiro-san… something's bothering me."

"Is this about Akihiko?" Hiroki grumbled.

"…That's the thing, Hiro-san… you… ignoring this issue and sulking is more bothersome than all that you admitted about him… about how much you used to care about him… are you sure you no longer feel that way?"

"Of course not!" Hiroki snapped. "I have absolutely no feelings for Akihiko- the second that idiot's name left his lips that day, my love for him DIED. I met you soon thereafter- you came and saved m-!" He cut himself off, eyes widening and a deep dark red washing over his face. "Ah…"

"…As touching as I wish that would make me feel, you're still troubled by it… your -thoughts, lately, are obviously centered on Usami-san… I think that you'd be doing yourself a favor- and me, a favor, too- as well as Usami-san… if you just confronted the issue like an adult."

"Are you insinuating that I'm a child?"

"Just that you're behaving a bit like one." Nowaki admitted.

"Ugh…" Hiroki lowered the book, annoyed. "…Can you… please… just give me some time…? I'll deal with it when I'M ready. I'm sick of dealing with it at HIS convenience."

"If that were the case, I'd understand and back off, Hiro-san… but I don't think that's the case…"

"Why not?" Hiroki tossed the book across the room, turning over onto his back and folding his arms, letting his head hang off the bed. "…Don't you think I feel humiliated and embarrassed by that disgusting display?"

"I don't think anyone thought it was disgusting, Hiro-san. I think you told Usami-san exactly how you felt- and right when you finished, you even admitted to feeling relieved about it."

"Well I don't, anymore! Now I feel stupid! I wish I hadn't said anything!"

"Hiro-san, it's alright that you felt that way- how you feel is how you feel and I think you did the right thing by telling Usami-san… if it were me, and I were to hurt you- or even some other friend, I'd definitely want to know about it…"

"But to tell him like THAT!!! It was ugly, and-"

"It wasn't ugly, Hiro-san… what was ugly was what happened- so right now, Usami-san probably feels ugly inside… do you really want him to?"

"…No…"

"Because you care about Usami-san, because he's your friend, right?"

"…" Hiroki sighed. "…I'm still going to wait a while… I don't know how to approach him about it."

"…Hiro-san… I don't understand how you could approach him after what happened… without him knowing… um… you may not know this, but… Hiro-san… you were my very first…"

"I know. You told me so, yourself."

"So…? So how… after such an incident happened… I mean, first of all- how do two people do such a thing without being emotionally involved in one another?"

"…" Hiroki frowned. He used to do it all the time- with various men, in order to temporarily ban his thoughts and feelings from focusing on his childhood friend… He was sure Nowaki knew about that, to some degree… but apparently with a friend, it was different, somehow…

"…Hiro-san… if it's painful… you don't have to talk about it, but… if I can help somehow, just by understanding… I want to…"

"…" Hiroki thought about it before slinking slowly off the bed. "…It wasn't that hard… it would have been… if you hadn't come along… after we got together… suddenly all my worries, and anxiety regarding Akihiko…" He sank completely off the bed and sat up, thinking back on those times. "…I don't really even remember them… the earliest things I can remember occurring between me and him after you and I got together… were just petty arguments about the Junai Egoist crap…"

"About that…" Nowaki frowned, suddenly. "…Why did he feel compelled to use us-?"

"Don't ask." Hiroki muttered. "That was all your fault and all my fault."

"My fault?"

"And my fault."

"How?!"

"Apparently he was inspired by the way you grabbed me that first time."

"…?" Nowaki showed no recollection of that incident, but Hiroki knew the bastard was only pretending not to recall. Coy fucker.

"Then when I screamed at him after finding the first volume, he got me drunk to calm me down and I guess I… helped him put us more into character or… whatever…" He grumbled.

"…Aaaah…" Nowaki huffed, annoyed. "So that's why he made that comment about you being loose-lipped when drunk?"

"Which. Is. Why. I. Don't. Drink. Anymore."

"Hiro-san, you can still drink around me-"

"NOT HAPPENING."

"Just not Usami-san."

"You bastard."

"Hmm… but the Junai Egoist stories seem light- like they were written when Usami-san was in a playful mood… and I actually enjoyed them a little…"

"Good for you! I found them humiliating!"

"Are you sure you weren't simply hurt because Usami-san used you without understanding your true feelings for him?"

"I don't know, Nowaki…" Hiroki placed his fists on his hips as he stood. "…I don't even care much about that crap anymore… You know what I want out of all this?"

"…Mm…?"

"I just want to move on… I want you and me to stay how we are and I want Akihiko to just..."

"…To just…?"

"…I don't know… I don't know what I want to happen between him and me from this point forward… I think… that's why I'm… not… answering his…" Hiroki trailed off, frowning and staring glumly at the floor. "…I want to know what I want to have happen. I don't want him calling the shots, anymore. If I answer as I am… he'll end up getting me to go along with whatever he says… we'll probably just go on like we always did… what I'm most afraid of… is that we'll just go back to the way things were, before…"

"You don't want that?"

"…Part of me does… part of me would feel… insulted… and hurt… if that's what happened… because… if that happened… it'd just mean that he really… doesn't care… at all about me."

"So…" Nowaki approached his lover, frowning, arms folded. "…You DO want him to care for you. … Hiro-san?"

"…I don't want him to… care for me in the way that you and I care for each other… I want him to care for me… the way I care for him, now… the way he always cared for me… I want us stay friends…" Hiroki sighed, pressing his cheek into his palm and resting his elbow on his knee. "…I just want some time to think things over."

"You've had a few days."

"So? It's not enough."

"…Alright, Hiro-san…" Nowaki sighed. "…I'll leave the subject alone… but I'm ready and waiting for you to talk to me about it when you need to."

"…Kay…" Hiroki lay down and pulled open his book. "…Since it's our day off… let's order something tonight and just relax."

"Alright." Nowaki smiled. "…Um… usually you get cold on our days off, together… think you'll be getting cold, tonight?"

Hiroki buried his face in the book, flushing bright red. "I-I don't know! I'm not cold right now! …A-are you…?"

"No… I suppose not." Nowaki sighed, heading into the other room to sulk and order dinner.

Hiroki gritted his teeth, eye twitching. "Stupid brat…"

**+_+_+_+_+**

**AN: **Well, that's it for chapter 4- next chapter will probably be posted toward the end of the month. Thank you for reading and please be so kind as to review- and let me know if you caught any mistakes that I may fix- even trivial ones—thank you.


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